my little brother has a blog…
joshua has always been the most
creative
insightful
honest
writer that i know
and the trial he is trudging through
has only made that even more so
if you want to read the writings of a man that is
strong
weak
sick
tired
brave
afraid
and yet not afraid to tell it like it is
then you need to read my little brother’s blog
here is a post he wrote february 21, 2010
1st night on the transplant floor
there isn’t much i can do about the leukemia coursing thru my blood, thru my bone marrow. i drink plenty and eat to keep my weight up. i watch things on tv that make me laugh and avoid those songs on my ipod that break me down into tears. i’m a pro at this…i tell myself. at this point it is all between the ears. that braveheart like battle where i paint my face blue every morning and charge down the hill screaming “FREEDOM”. but i’m scared…and the blue paint wears off quickly when my transplant team comes in with their heads together and discuss my case in low, dreary tones. i write down how much i drink and measure how much i pee. the chemo eats my stomach and pulls at my hair till it falls out on my pillow. fever comes in waves and i find myself laying on the cold bathroom floor begging God to either heal me or kill me. i miss my dogs and the farm. i miss my pickup truck and my sweetheart sitting next to me…driving into town for shrimp tacos. the room i’m in is bleak and smells of death. the man that was here before me didn’t make it like he thought he would. cancer overpowered him in the night and he drowned in those terrible waters. they rolled him out and moved me in. motors buzzing and iv machines beeping. a sticker is slapped on the door that reads “RAGSDALE”. where is my blue face paint? i reach for it but all i find is a plastic cup of apple juice. i cry in a circle…till i can finally look God in the eye again. here i am…broken but breathing…32 years old…laying on a death bed with new sheets.
to read more go to joshuaragsdale.wordpress.com
you also need to follow him on twitter twitter.com/joshuaragsdale
My heart and prayers go out to any sick person, but because you are the son of someone that I went to PBI with 42 years ago, I cry out to the Lord so much more. HIS healing power is working every minute. When you think you cannot stand any more, STAND.